


Start Over

by ryo_is_gay



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga), Devilman Crybaby - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Second Chances, god in this one is a loving and forgiving one, he has emotions, the ryo here is like a mixture of crybaby and manga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-15 16:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13617558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryo_is_gay/pseuds/ryo_is_gay
Summary: God gives Satan a second chance.





	1. His Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> i have no clue how long this is going to be! this is mostly a fix-it fic for me, but there is still going to be lots of angst, but also a lot of gay so look forward to that!

“Akira, please don't leave me alone. I can't be alone, Akira! _Please!”_ Satan’s cries are heard by no one but God Himself. They’re clutching the one person they'd ever cared about to their body, mourning their lost beloved. “Akira, I’m so sorry.”

Their tears fall like molten glass upon the pale face of Akira Fudo, whose empty eyes watch the stars above. He, of course, doesn't hear Satan’s pleas, or apologies. He doesn't hear their heartbroken declaration of love, 'nor does he feel the burning touch of their lips against his own.

He's been dead for many years now. Satan hasn’t left his side since the beginning of the end of the world. At the back of their mind, Satan knows God is only delaying the true end to punish them. They know how badly they've fucked up. They've known the moment they realized Akira was no longer with them.

“God, please, just kill me! I can’t take this anymore!” They scream at the stars, which only twinkle in response. If Satan didn't know better, they'd think the stars were teasing them.

Stars, however, are not alive or conscious. They are nothing more than flaming gas which humans foolishly mistook for the heavens. The only beings still alive are Satan, God and the angels that accompany Him. They are probably all laughing at Satan, but they can't find it in themselves to care.

It's when Akira's corpse finally begins to rot that Satan stands. They don't know how long they’ve been lying there, and they don't really care. They look towards the sky and scream. They scream at God, they apologize and they beg for either death or a second chance or _anything_ than the hell they are going through.

It's when Akira is nothing more than half a yellowed skeleton that God finally, _finally_ answers

He doesn't make a physical appearance. Satan isn’t sure if He even has one. God’s presence is a familiar feeling in Satan's mind, as it was eons ago when Satan had first been cast down from Heaven.

They close their eyes at the overwhelming feeling of relief and crumple to the ground beside their beloved. If God’s here, that means Satan will finally be freed from this hell, be it with death or something else, they could care less. 

' _Lucifer,’_ God’s voice is all around them, and yet is nowhere at once. Satan hates that name, but it was their god given one and so it's the one God will use to refer to them. /

“Father,” Satan knows it is only right to call God by what He was; their Creator. 

' _Y_ _ou understand why I did this, don't you?’_

Satan pauses for a moment to think. Is God referring to their extended time mourning the death of their love? Or was it giving Satan someone to love, knowing they'd only end up killing him in the end? Either way, Satan did understand God’s reasoning.

“I… I believe I do. Father, I beg you, if you plan to kill me do not prolong it any further,” Satan opens their eyes to look down at the skeleton of their love. “I cannot bear this pain any longer. I know what I did was foolish, I've learned and I would rather die than continue living without Akira.” 

 God is quiet for a while, and Satan can subtlety feel bemusement coming from Him. They feel agitated; how dare He find amusement in their suffering? After He was responsible for causing so much of it? 

But it wasn't His fault. It was Satan's, and they remind themself of this. They have no right to be mad when they are to blame for all of this. 

' _My child, I did not come here to kill you. You've served your punishment already. I’ve come to give you an offer.’_  

An offer? The thought is confusing, but Satan feels a small amount of hope form in their chest. They don't know why, but if God isn't killing them, what else could He do? 

“I- I hear you.”

' _Lucifer, have you learned your lesson? Do you understand what it is you've done wrong, and why it was wrong?’_

Satan stares at Akira for a few silent moments. They close their eyes and take a deep breath.

“I know what I've done. It was foolish, it was misguided and it was _wrong._ I understand that. I regret it. I regret it so badly.” They can't keep their voice from breaking as they think about Akira. They can't hold back the few tears that slip down their cheeks as they think about his smile and his determination to save the world.

' _Do not cry, my child. You understand your mistakes, and I am willing to give you the chance to atone for your actions.’_

Satan's eyes pop open and they look up at the sky, mouth agape.

"Atone?” 

' _Yes. I am here to give you a second chance, Lucifer. A second chance to live, and to correct your wrongdoings.’_

They can hardly believe it. Tears flood their eyes and spill over at the prospect of being able to see Akira again, at being able to hold him and to see him smile. 

“Thank you,” they can barely speak. They place a hand over their heart and cry. They sob for longer than likely necessary, but God waits silently for them. 

After a while, they can cry no longer, and sniffle softly. 

“Will I… will I remember?” they ask, shifting their gaze back to the sky above. 

It is quiet again for a few moments. 

' _Not right away. You'll regain your memory slowly, the more you change the course of events. The first decision to change will be your hardest, as it will have to be decided by you, and you alone; without any memory of this time.’_

“I only get one chance?" 

' _Correct. but don't fret, my child. I'm sure that subconsciously, you will know. I can take away your memory, but I can’t truly take away what you've learned and experienced. Ultimately, how things go will be up to you, but I have faith in you.’_

As odd as it may be, God's words calm Satan and enforce a warm confidence in their abilities. 

' _Do you accept?’_

Satan looks down at what is left of Akira's body. By this point, his bones are fragile and crumbling into dust. Satan picks up his skull as delicately as possible and brings it up to face them. They brush a thumb lightly over his cheekbone, as they often did in quiet moments when they were both alive and human. A few stray more tears fall from their eyes. 

“I accept.”

And just like that, God’s presence is gone. It leaves Satan feeling hollow and cold. They don't mind too much. This is going to end soon. They are going to see Akira again. 

Satan cradles Akira's skull to their chest and curls up in a ball as they wait for the end of the world. 


	2. His Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryo and Akira reunite.

Ryo jolted awake, his face and hair damp with sweat. He was panting, and his throat hurt. He brought his hand up to rub at his face and he realized he was crying. He hadn't had a nightmare this severe since he was a child.

All he could remember was that Akira was in it.

He got out of bed, legs trembling and heart racing. Ryo fumbled around his room to grab his phone from where it was charging atop his dresser. It was 4:46 in the morning, not long before he would've been getting up anyways.

Pocketing his phone, Ryo made his way to the bathroom and began to get ready. He chalked Akira's appearance in his dream as his anticipation of seeing the man again. After all, today was the day he was traveling back to Japan.

\---

The flight was a long one, and Ryo spent most of it working on detailing his plan on his laptop. He couldn't shake the subtle feeling of deja vu the whole day, and the pang of  _ something wrong  _ he felt as he typed out his plan gave Ryo a sense of anxiety.

He chose to ignore it, and continued working. These next few months were going to be busy, and he couldn't be bothered with anxiety.

It was later in the afternoon when the plane landed. Ryo’s secretary, Jenny, had traveled over a day earlier with his belongings to get his penthouse ready, and to handle any excess paperwork. He had nothing more than a small backpack with him as he got off the plane and called a taxi.

His penthouse was at the top of a very large building. He arrived only to drop off his backpack, grab his camera, machine gun and his car.

The sun was setting by the time Ryo arrived at Miki Makimura’s location. He could only hope that Akira was with her, as he'd have a difficult time finding him otherwise. Lucky for him, as he got out of the car and approached the deck, he quickly spotted the familiar face of his best friend.

And was immediately hit with an intense feeling of relief. It sucked the air from his lungs as he stared at the smiling face of Akira Fudo. Ryo couldn't help but wonder why his first thought at seeing Akira was 'he’s  _ alive’. _

Ryo could hardly handle the way Akira's face lit up upon recognizing Ryo, and he felt tears burn his eyes as Akira ran from the small boat up to where Ryo was. Their hug was warm and tight and familiar. It made Ryo feel so many things at once, it was overwhelming. He tried his hardest to keep his composure as he scared off the thugs and shot at the wood of the deck, an arm still draped over Akira's shoulders.

He ushered Akira to his car, and something twisted in his chest at how Akira just went with him. The amount of trust the other had in him, even though they'd been apart for years, was almost too much. Ryo gripped the steering wheel as he took a few deep breaths to slow his racing heart.

“Ryo? Is something wrong?” Akira asked softly, placing a hand on Ryo's shoulder. Ryo startled, and looked at Akira with wide eyes before calming down.

Tears were suddenly in Akira's eyes and Ryo felt his heart break. He reached out a hand to cup Akira's face and rub a thumb across his cheek.

“Why are you crying, Ryo?” Funny, Ryo had been about to ask the same thing. He shook his head, and chose to give Akira a small smile.

“I'm just… really happy to see you, Akira.” And it wasn't a lie. The look of joy and understanding that settled on Akira's face at those words made Ryo's heart soar.

“I'm really happy to see you too, Ryo.”

Ryo tried not to think too much about how hard his heart was beating again as he started the car.

\---

The hug they had shared at the doors of Sabbath was unlike their initial one. Ryo held onto Akira tighter, feeling a sense of dread that he didn't understand. Akira held back just as tight, as if sensing Ryo’s unease and was trying to comfort him. It mostly worked.

The party itself was just as Ryo had anticipated it to be. All bright lights, loud music, and naked bodies. Ryo pulled Akira away from the topless girl offering drugs before she could get too physical with him. They sat down at one of the couches that lined the walls.

Ryo made sure to sit as close as possible to Akira, and he felt his jacket to make sure his gun and camera were both with him. He took a large swig of an unnamed alcohol while he explained Sabbath to Akira, whose eyes had been wide with awe since they entered.

Suddenly, Ryo felt restless. He was itching to move, and he realized no demon was going to come at such a tame party.

His body moved before he was thinking, and the warmth of blood was familiar. It made him nauseous but it also excited him. He couldn't stop himself, not even when arms wrapped around him and Akira's voice screamed for him to stop.

He suddenly woke up on the ground, blood oozing from his nose. People were screaming all around him, and the gross sound of flesh being torn apart was everywhere. Ryo looked up to find himself surrounded by chaos.

People were transforming into horrific beasts and those who weren't were being eaten or ripped apart. It was disgusting and it was exactly what Ryo had been looking for. Fumbling, Ryo grabbed his gun and stood up. He panicked when he couldn't immediately spot Akira in the destruction, but his thoughts were distracted by the hoard of demons focusing their attention on him.

Ryo shot at the demons at close range, and took out his camera to begin filming. He was holding his own until one demon came flying at him. He shot it down, but it still crashed into him, sending him to the floor. His camera went flying and he was once again momentarily knocked unconscious.

When he came to, it was to a horrific pain in his leg and the feeling of his entire body being crushed. The demon’s corpse lay on top of him, and he spotted another large one rushing towards him. With no way to move, Ryo could only lay there and accept that this is where he was going to die.

The feeling of deja vu was overwhelming at this point, however, and it screamed at him that this wasn't the end.

Just as the demon opened its mouth to eat Ryo whole, a figure rushed in and stopped it in its tracks. The figure tore the beast in half by its jaws, and threw it to the side. Ryo watched in awe as the figure grew and transformed itself into a massive humanoid shape with huge wings and a horned head.

The thing rushed forward and began to tear into the remaining demons. Ryo was in shock, watching what he could only call a familiar scene. He didn't know  _ how  _ it was familiar, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was.

It suddenly clicked. This was Akira. Amon had possessed him, but instead of letting the demon take over his body and his heart, it had only gotten his body. Akira had done it. He'd defeated a demon in the near-impossible test of will and had won.

Ryo’s chest felt warm, and he realized he was feeling proud of Akira. But he was also feeling… fear, and that sense of dread had returned tenfold. He couldn't help but feel like he'd made a massive mistake.

He ignored it, and cried out to Akira of his success. He'd become Devilman. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter is so short and boring. it's more of an establishing chapter, so things should get better!


	3. His Mind

Ryo awoke in the hospital. He could vaguely remember strong, fuzzy (?) arms lifting him gently and the odd sensation of flying. Akira must have brought him here. The thought made Ryo's heart flutter, and he allowed himself a small, private smile.

He felt like a prince that'd been rescued by his beloved knight. In any other situation, Ryo would feel upset at his pride being harmed, but Akira was different. Being saved by Akira wasn't a bad thing in Ryo’s mind. It honestly never had been.

Ryo was admitted to leave soon after waking up. The comments from the doctors about how unusually fast he was healing made Ryo feel oddly uncomfortable. He couldn't place why, and so he chose to ignore it. He had more important work to focus on.

By the time Ryo got home, it was late in the afternoon. He asked for Jenny to order a large meal in anticipation of Akira's inevitable visit before sitting down. The couch had been converted to a bed, with a rotating stand where his computer sat. Jenny had insisted on the set up so he could rest his leg, and he'd decided against trying to argue.

Ryo quickly began to work, making several notes about all that had happened the previous night, before moving on to opening the footage he'd taken. He was surprised at how much the camera caught where it had fallen after Ryo had been knocked over. He wasn't complaining.

Akira finally arrived after the sun had set. Ryo took a moment to study him, shocked at how much physical change he'd undergone. Ryo had always thought Akira as attractive but now he could objectively say that his friend was sexy.

He was darker, taller, and more muscular. Where he'd once been soft and round, he was sharp and angular. His eyes were rimmed with a seemingly natural sort of eyeliner, and his hair was a wild mess. Ryo honestly had not been expecting… this.

A small part of his mind whispered that he had been expecting _ exactly  _ this. He pushed that thought away, and smiled up at his friend.

As physically different as Akira was, his smile was a clear indication that he hadn't truly changed. It was that same warm, open smile that he'd seemingly reserved for Ryo.

The hug they shared wasn't entirely casual. Akira held on for a bit longer than necessary, and Ryo held on back. If he had the choice, Ryo would hug Akira until the end of time.

“You scared me,” Akira murmured into Ryo's shoulder. So that would explain the hug. Ryo felt his cheeks grow warm.

“I apologize. I had not intended to get hurt. Thank you for bringing me to the hospital,” Ryo pushed Akira back slightly, enough so he could look over his friend's face. “Were you hurt at all?”

Akira chuckled, and the sound served to make Ryo's cheeks warmer.

“I mean, I _ was _ hurt, but this demon body heals super fast! It's crazy!” Akira gestured to himself, before going on to ask Ryo more about what happened the previous night, and what had happened to Akira in specific.

Ryo called for Jenny to bring Akira's food, and decided to explain more while he ate. The conversation felt almost scripted to Ryo, but he didn't pay the feeling any mind.

Akira's quiet voice begging for Ryo to kill him if he ever lost control of himself had sent a sharp pain through Ryo's chest. He had to take several deep, discreet breaths in order to calm his racing heart. He'd nodded to Akira to indicate he understood the burden he'd have to bare.

He didn't understand why he was feeling so many...weird things, but he didn't have time to fixate on emotions when there were bigger issues at hand.

Ryo made sure to advise Akira to meet at his house in the mornings and evenings so he could property eat. Akira had smiled an affirmative with cheeks full of meat.

After he left, Ryo had Jenny help him to his bedroom. As he lay in bed, Ryo could not push away the thoughts that whispered of how big a mistake he'd made. How could Devilman possibly be a mistake? In the logical part of Ryo's mind, Devilman was the best solution to fight the demons.

The small, illogical voice told Ryo that fighting the demons wasn't why he had created devilman.

Ryo fell asleep and dreamt of white feathers and a starry sky.

\---

The next few weeks were focused primarily on getting Akira accommodated to his new body. They hunted a few demons, and Ryo had caught a lot of good footage. However, Akira insisted on going out for meals with Ryo, or sometimes even on walks that Akira justified as 'good exercise’.

Ryo went along with him, because hell if he had a hard time saying no to Akira's bright eyes and wide smile.

The night Akira had been filmed as Devilman by a stranger had brought Ryo back to reality. It was stressful, as Ryo went through the preventative measures the rest of the night to make sure Akira's name and face stayed clean. He’d remained awake the entire night and was surprised (if not agitated) when no incriminating video had surfaced.

As Akira came into his apartment with a bag full of food the next day, Ryo was tempted to confide in his exhaustion to his friend. He refrained, knowing how important it was that they make sure to completely eliminate any possibility of Devilman being disclosed to the public.

He indulged for a short time in the pool with Akira, finding the sun-warmed water to be a comfort, even if he was in his clothes.

It was all business for the rest of the afternoon, well into the evening. Ryo's exhaustion had reached the point of mania by the time they reached the studio where the man (and that annoying girl Akira lived with) were at.

In all honesty, Ryo should have waited to kill the man who'd been possessed until Akira was out of line of sight, but he was too tired to really care.

Perhaps if Ryo had gotten some rest before embarking that evening, he wouldn't have been so aggressive towards Akira about Makimura. Perhaps he wouldn't have pulled the gun on the girl the way he had.

Something about the glare Akira had leveled him had made Ryo crack. Akira's eyes had been burning with such ferocity and… hatred. If only for a second, before it had been covered with determination. But that second was all Ryo needed to drop the gun.

That look had been too familiar. That raw anger and hatred directed entirely towards Ryo. He'd seen a flash of a crying Akira cradling a head to his chest as he glared at Ryo with that same look in his eyes.

It was overwhelming. The exhaustion, the memory (dream?), the  _ fear _ ; it had been too much for Ryo's mind. He'd fainted with the sound of Akira's startled cry echoing through his mind.

\---

He was in his own bed when he awoke from a nightmare about a burning world and bright, too bright, lights falling from the sky. 


	4. His Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira and Ryo head to the airport to pick up Akira's mom.

To Ryo, eight in the morning was sleeping in. He awoke at 8:24, his head groggy and in pain. If he didn’t know better, Ryo would think he was experiencing a hangover. The previous night’s events loomed over his conscious, and the first thing he did after drinking the water Jenny brought him was call Akira. The phone rang three times before he picked up.

“Ryo? Are you okay?” Were the first words Akira said when he answered. Ryo let out a breath he hadn’t even been aware he was holding. Akira didn’t hate him. Ryo almost felt foolish for believing that to be a possibility. He didn’t think Akira was really even capable of hatred.

“I’m fine, just feeling a little light-headed.” Ryo lied. He felt like shit, but he didn’t want to make Akira worry any more. “What happened last night, Akira? Did you bring me home?”

“Of course I did!” Akira sounded offended that Ryo would even ask a question like that. He then gave a breathy laugh as he continued. “It actually was a bit of a challenge, since Miki was also passed out. You’re both light on your own but together? I had one of each of you on my shoulders! It’s lucky nobody spotted me flying over the city like that.”

Ryo had almost forgotten about the girl. He felt guilty for making Akira go through so much stress like that.

“I apologize for that. I hadn’t had any sleep in over 48 hours, and I assume my brain shut down due to over exerting myself. I should have had the foresight to take a nap before we left.” Ryo bit the inside of his cheek when he finished speaking. Akira hadn’t brought up what Ryo had been doing before he passed out. Had he forgotten?

“Ryo, you don’t have to apologize. But like… you really need to let me know about that sort of stuff. I wouldn’t have let you go out if I’d known you were feeling so bad.” Did Akira not know that’s exactly why Ryo had avoided telling him? In hindsight, it was a foolish error, but in the end they were able to get the job done and that’s what mattered.

It was quiet for a few moments, as Ryo wasn’t necessarily sure how to answer. He wondered if Akira found these silences to be awkward. Ryo himself found he could never really feel awkward around Akira, but he wasn’t sure if the feeling was mutual. If it wasn’t, Ryo had to wonder how Akira dealt with how much of their time together was spent in silence like this. Akira’s voice abruptly cut off Ryo’s train of thought.

“Hey, uh… Ryo? Last night, after you passed out, my mom called. I couldn’t answer since my hands were full, but she left a voicemail. She’s flying into town today, I was hoping you wouldn’t mind giving me a ride to the airport?” Akira sounded hesitant, as if Ryo would ever say no to him. “I-I mean, you don’t have to, of course. It’s not like I couldn’t find a way to get there. I just-”

“Of course I’ll take you, Akira.” Ryo cut him off before he could start rambling. Akira could talk himself into circles if given the chance. On most occasions, Ryo thought it charming, but he got the sense that there wasn’t time for it right now. “I’ll be there in an hour. Be ready.”

He hung up, suddenly aware that Akira hadn’t even told him what time his mother was due to land. He just… knew, somehow, that it was soon. Ryo shook his head and headed to the bathroom to get ready.  

As Ryo was putting on his coat, he thought about Akira's parents. Akira had only mentioned his mother flying in. Did that mean his father was unable to join her? Or maybe something had happened between the two of them. Ryo doubted that. When he knew them, they were one of the happiest couples Ryo had ever seen. And they clearly loved Akira.

Ryo wondered why he'd never felt jealous of Akira. Maybe he had and just never realized? He thought about Jenny, and how she'd been much like a mother figure for him after taking him away from the town he'd grown up in. It wasn't the same, he realized. Jenny was a good parental figure, but she never expressed that same, open love that Akira's own parents had.

A feeling of sorrow and dread overcame Ryo, and he had to pause to catch his breath. Today wasn't going to be good.

It was sunny when Ryo existed the building towards his car.

\---

Akira was waiting out front when Ryo pulled up. He checked the time, and realized that he was ten minutes late. He doesn't remember the last time he was late to his own set time.

Akira gave Ryo a shit-eating grin as he got into the car.

“Wow, Ryo, you sure know how to keep a guy waiting,” Akira laughed at his own joke, and Ryo leveled him a small glare, deciding not to respond. Akira chuckled again as he leaned back while Ryo took off.

It was quiet again. It felt tense. He could tell Akira wanted to say something.

“Miki doesn't remember anything. It was a good thing she left her phone at home,” Akira noted. Ryo had, again, forgotten about the girl. It  _ was  _ lucky that she left her phone home. Ryo couldn't imagine what would've happened if she hadn't. It's not like he was exactly conscious to change her GPS as he probably would have.

“That's good,” was all Ryo said.

Silence.

“Ryo, listen, about last night-”

“Akira, if you're planning on apologizing, don't. It was my mistake to have gone into a mission like that knowing how exhausted I was.” Ryo hesitated. “I'm sorry for what I may have said or done last night that upset you.”

The silence that followed felt thick. Ryo bit his lip and kept his eyes glued to the road. This conversation felt different. Unlike many of their previous ones that had felt scripted or had given Ryo that weird deja vu, this one felt… organic. It was a comforting change.

He could feel Akira's eyes on him, but he refused to look back, almost afraid that he'd see that same look he'd had the night before. Akira sighed softly, and Ryo jolted slightly at the feeling of a hand gently touching his arm.

“Ryo, you don't have to apologize, either. You were tired and stressed, and we all say and do dumb shit sometimes.”

Ryo finally glanced at him, and was surprised at the small smile being directed towards him. He sighed in return, focusing back on the road. They were nearly to the airport. Ryo felt dread knot his stomach at the thought, but he ignored it to focus on the conversation at hand.

“It doesn't excuse my actions, Akira.” Ryo said in a tone reminiscent of an adult lightly reprimanding a child.

“Ryo, I know that,” Akira whined, and threw his arms up, exasperated. “I'm trying to say that I've already forgiven you, so you don't need to apologize.”

“Oh,” he felt a little dumb for having been unable to catch that. Since when was Akira hard for Ryo to interpret? He'd always been able to understand the hidden meanings behind his friends words and actions.

The hand on Ryo's arm (he hadn't even noticed it was still there) moved up to pat his shoulder. He could see Akira's smile in the corner of his eyes.

“Hey, no need to pout, Ryo. I appreciate you apologizing, but it's okay, really.” Akira squeezed his shoulder before letting go. Ryo missed the warmth of it.

He only nodded in response, not knowing how else to respond.

As Ryo pulled off to the exit towards the airport, it was quiet again. Akira turned on the radio, and pop music filled in the silence. He parked and closed his eyes for a few moments. He felt sick. It wasn't the same sick he'd been feeling earlier that morning. Ryo somehow knew that something really bad was about to happen in the airport. He didn't want to go in, but he knew he had to. For Akira.

Ryo jumped when Akira laid a hand on his back. He opened his eyes and looked up into the concerned gaze of his friend.

“Are you feeling okay, Ryo? I told you you didn't have to do this. You can just drop me off and I'll catch a taxi with my mom.” The offer was tempting, but Ryo didn't want to leave Akira's side. The last thing he wanted was for Akira to have to deal with whatever was about to happen alone.

Ryo offered him a smile, and reaches up to pat Akira's arm softly.

“No, it's alright, Akira. Just felt a bit dizzy, but I'll be fine. Let's go,” Ryo was out of the car before Akira could protest.

They headed towards the airport in silence. Ryo could see Akira's worried glances out of the corner of his eye, but chose not to acknowledge it. He just wanted to get this over with so they could go home.

Ryo took a deep breath as Akira opened the door for him, and stepped into the large, busy airport. 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger of sorts! next chapter should be up within the next two days!


	5. His Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira and Ryo confront the demon at the airport. tw for violence, vomit and mentions of death.

The airport was bustling with people, in a rush to get to their planes or to get to their cars. Ryo had always felt uncomfortable in airports. How could such large and spacious buildings always feel so crowded and small? Ryo was anxious, and he stuck close to Akira's side.

Seeming to sense his anxiety, Akira took hold of Ryo's arm. It was light but firm, and it helped ground Ryo. He gave Akira a small smile of gratitude, which Akira returned as he squeezed Ryo's arm gently.

They made it to the waiting area in relative silence. Akira let go of Ryo's arm to lean against the fence that surrounded the baggage claim. Ryo missed the contact, and he could feel his anxiety creeping up on him again. This felt too familiar. Dread ate away at his stomach as he took his phone out in attempt to distract himself.

Akira seemed tense now, too, but Ryo had the feeling it was more out of anticipation at getting to see his mother again. Ryo felt a sharp pang in his chest at the thought.

“You know, I haven't seen my parents in years. They never have time to visit, since they're so busy. They hardly have had any time to even call, kinda like how you were.” Ryo knew all this. Akira knew that he knew this, but he decided not to comment. Talking was one of Akira's ways of dealing with anxiety. “I only heard her voice once during middle school. And twice during high school before her call last night.”

Ryo had the urge to say something about not being able to understand why that would be abnormal. He didn't have parents, after all. However, a small part of Ryo told him that that wasn't the response Akira needed right now.

“I'm sorry. I wish I could have at least been with you.” Ryo said, and Akira looked at him in surprise. There was that comfortable feeling of this conversation being unscripted again. Maybe he should listen to the small voice more often than his instincts.

“Ryo, are you feeling okay? You've been acting so strange lately. I was sort of expecting you to say something about not having parents but not an apology.” Akira chuckled, and put a hand on Ryo's shoulder. “You don't have to keep apologizing, Ryo. I don't hold it against you for leaving, I know you were busy. But I appreciate it.”

Ryo was unsure of how to feel. On one hand, he felt a little hurt and offended that Akira was expecting him to be so cold (he reminded himself that he  _ was  _ going to respond exactly like Akira had expected) but on the other, the smile Akira was directing towards him was making his heart speed up and his brain feel a little fuzzy. Akira pat his shoulder a few times before taking it away.

They were quiet again. Akira kept checking the time on his phone, and looking towards the plane schedule. He was frowning now, his brow furrowed. Ryo felt sick again. He was positive that he was going to throw up.

“Excuse me,” a woman's voice from behind them said, and Ryo turned to see a couple talking to one of the employees. “What's taking so long?”

The employee was frowning, seeming just as confused as the couple. “We apologize, but there have been some issues. They should be here shortly.”

Akira's phone suddenly started ringing, making Ryo jump. He looked at Akira, who has answered. His frown deepened, and he looked scared.

“Mom?”

Ryo brought up his GPS tracker on his phone. He felt bile rise up in his throat as the screen indicated Sumiko Fudo’s location being in a storage area of the airport. He let Akira know, who'd been staring at his phone with wide eyes.

They ran towards the location together. Ryo wanted nothing more than to turn back. He wanted to go to his apartment with Akira and to lay down and never get out of bed again. Ryo didn't want to face whatever was about to happen.

Akira forced the doors to the storage unit open enough for the two of them to get through. It was pitch black inside, save for the blinding strip of light reflecting from the opening off the floor.

Akira had rushed ahead, calling out for his mother. Ryo caught up with him, and grabbed his arm.

And then he saw it.

Sumiko’s face was pale, her features contorted to a look of pure sorrow. She screamed at Akira, ' _ I’m already dead!’  _ Ryo's grip tightened around Akira's arm to keep him from running any closer.

More faces revealed themselves. Pale, scared and dead. They were dead, even as they cried out for loved ones or begging to not die. Akira was panting heavily, and Ryo could feel his skin growing hot as he was about to transform.

It was too much. Ryo had seen this before. He knew this was going to happen. How could he have known? Akira's parents were both dead. This demon had possessed his father and murdered his mother. How did Ryo know that?

A sudden searing pain shot through Ryo's head, and he cried out, nearly collapsing to the floor. He heard Akira worriedly ask if he was okay, but he ignored it.

“They're death masks, Akira. You have to kill this demon.” Ryo groaned, and put a hand to his head.

The demon in question stepped out from the shadows. His face was a twisted parody of the man that had once been Akira's father. Ryo felt Akira tense, and he felt the arm he was holding grow.

Akira wasn't entirely Devilman. Ryo knew it was to keep from scaring the death masks. He was yelling, Sumiko was yelling. There was so much noise. Ryo let Akira go and stumbled back a bit.

“You have to kill it, Akira. They're all dead.” Ryo looked up as Akira looked to him. He was crying. He had every right to cry in this situation. It didn't make the sight any less painful for Ryo. “I'm sorry, Akira.”

Ryo didn't know what he was apologizing for. He felt like he needed to, though. He watched, his heart pounding and tears in his own eyes as Akira ran towards the demon. He killed it with a single blow through the mask of Sumiko, straight through the demons chest.

The demon fell. The quiet that followed was deafening. Ryo fell to his knees, and bent forward to put his head in his hands. He didn't cry, but he wanted to. His head was pounding, and Akira's muffled sobs echoed off the walls. Questions and the events that had just transpired flashed through his mind.

Ryo threw up. It was mostly just acid, as he'd had nothing but water all day. It still burned and he grimaced.

“Ryo!” he could hear Akira scramble to get to him. A hand was on his back, and the other ran through his hair. “Are you okay?”

He leaned into Akira's warmth, uncaring of the bright blood that covered half of his body, and he  shook his head. He wasn't okay. He had somehow predicted an event like this, and every time he tried to think about it, his brain felt like it was being stabbed. That's not to mention that he had to witness Akira do probably the hardest thing he'd ever have to do in his life, and he knew Akira wasn't okay either.

“I feel like shit. Please, let's go home,” Ryo managed to rasp past the acidic burn in his throat.

“I agree. I know you won't be able to drive, though.” Akira looked up, out the doorway. “Come on, I'll get us home.”

Akira hooked his arms around Ryo, carrying him bridal style. He stood, and Ryo wrapped his arms around Akira's shoulders. He didn't even think to question what the other was doing until he felt the arms around him grow.

“You're planning on flying? That's not really a great idea, Akira,” Ryo knew he didn't have to explain all that could go wrong.

“Well, yeah. It's not like we really have much of a choice at this point.” He couldn't really argue with that. He held tighter around Akira's neck as they took off. He could only hope that nobody would feel the need to look up until they were safely landed.

The wind was cold, but Akira's arms and chest were warm enough be comfortable. Ryo could hear Akira's rushed heartbeat, and he quickly fell asleep in the arms of his best friend. 

He dreamt of icy skin and dry lips against his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a little longer than expected! sorry it's a little short again!
> 
> Also i wanted to thank you all for all the amazing feedback and really kind comments youve all been leaving! i apologize for not answering them individually, but i promise that i am reading each of then and they all make me smile and motivate me to continue writing! so thank you so so much!!


	6. His Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryo and Akira spend some time together to cope with loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a lot of fluff and filler, but i felt these two needed a break after the last chapter. hope you enjoy!

Ryo could hear movement around him as he woke up. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to face the world just yet. He was in bed, he realized, and he was warm. He could still taste bile at the back of his mouth, and parts of his body felt sticky from where Akira's blood covered body had touched his. 

Overall, he felt gross, and he desperately wanted a shower. Ryo sat up, eyes still screwed shut against the afternoon sun shining in through the windows.

“Jenny–”

“Ryo! You're awake!” Akira's voice surprised him. He opened his eyes to find the other standing in the middle of Ryo's room, his shirt still stained with dried, orange blood.

Ryo had honestly thought that Akira had just dropped him off to leave him in Jenny's care, as he'd done the night before. His chest felt warm knowing Akira had decided to stay with him. The movement he'd heard had been Akira's anxious pacing.

He couldn't hold back a small smile that Akira returned tenfold, as he usually would.

“How are you feeling?” Akira asked as he made his way over to sit next to Ryo on the bed.

“I'm fine, Akira. The important question here is how are  _ you  _ feeling?” Ryo turned his full attention to his best friend. Akira frowned, and averted his gaze to the white bed covers.

“I'm… I don't know right now. Nothing really feels real? I guess you could say that I'm not good. But…” Akira bit his lip and Ryo could see tears in his eyes. He was holding them back. Ryo laid a hand on his friend's back.

“Akira, it's okay to cry.” It felt weird to be telling Akira of all people that he was allowed to cry. The last thing Akira needed to do was bottle up his emotions after going through what he had.

Akira crumbled, what little of a façade he was attempting melted away as he let himself cry. He wrapped his arms around Ryo's waist, and buried his face into his shoulder. Ryo returned the embrace, bringing a hand up to run through Akira's hair. 

It was quiet except for Akira's muffled sobs. Ryo had never been good at comforting people, but Akira was different. He'd always been different for Ryo. When the animals Akira had always tried saving died, Ryo knew how to help him through it. He just needed a shoulder to cry on, someone who was there to hug him through the worst of it.

Ryo held him tighter. He didn't care about the fact that they both still had blood on them, that Akira's hair was greasy and tangled. At that moment, all that mattered was Akira. That's all that ever truly mattered to Ryo. Akira was his everything.

“I'm here, Akira. I'll always be here.” Ryo murmured quietly. He wasn't sure if Akira even heard him through his own tears, but he didn't really care.

The sun was setting when Akira's tears finally slowed, until his crying was nothing more than small whimpers and sniffles. Ryo had remained quiet, mostly rocking them slowly and petting Akira's hair.

“I'm sorry, Ryo. I didn't mean to cry that much, but–”

Ryo cut him off by pulling back to place a finger over his lips. He shook his head slowly, and gave Akira a tiny smile.

“Akira, it's alright. I prefer that you let yourself mourn properly rather than bottle it up,” Ryo pulled his hand away from Akira's mouth to cup his cheek. The other leaned into it, and gave Ryo a teary smile in return.

“You're the best, Ryo.” Although touched by his words, Ryo couldn't help but mentally disagree. He was anything but the best.

“You're an idiot.” Ryo gave Akira a playful smirk, and Akira responded by pushing his shoulder lightly, chuckling softly.

“I'm  _ your  _ idiot,” Akira returned Ryo's smirk, and stuck his tongue out. Ryo rolled his eyes, but he could feel his heart flutter at the words. He was happy to see Akira's smile back, though he knew his friend would need a lot more time to properly mourn.

“Come on, idiot, we both need a shower. Your hair is full of blood and you stink.” Ryo pulled away from Akira to stand, ignoring Akira's whine of protest.

Ryo headed towards the bathroom, but stopped at the door of his bedroom when he noticed Akira hadn't gotten up yet. He turned and gave Akira a questioning look.

“Are you coming or are you just going to sit there and ruin my bedsheets some more?” Ryo asked teasingly. He smiled when Akira blushed and scrambled to stand, turning to look down at the once pristine white sheets, now stained with a gross orange. He gave Ryo a sheepish, apologetic shrug.

“You want to shower together?” Akira cocked his head to the side, bringing a hand up to scratch his cheek. Ryo arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I thought I had made that clear. What's wrong, afraid you might see something you like?” Ryo teased, giving Akira a shit eating grin as he leaned against the doorway. He felt slight satisfaction at how red Akira's face became.

“N-no! Not that you're not attractive, because you are, b-but it's not like that! I just– it's been so long since we've, y’know, done that. Together. I don't–” Akira groaned and buried his burning face in his hands. Ryo laughed at how flustered his friend had become, and he approached to lay a hand on his shoulder.

“It's alright, Akira, I was just teasing. If you don't want to bathe together, that's fine. We just both need to get clean.” Ryo pat his shoulder, smiling.Akira looked up at Ryo, brow furrowed.

“You can be so mean sometimes, Ryo.”

“Who was it that was calling me the best not five minutes ago?”

“That's different!” Akira sighed, and shook his head. Ryo could see the smile he was trying and failing to suppress. “But it's not that I don't want to, I just didn't know that you would still want to.”

Akira gave him a soft look that Ryo found difficult to interpret. He felt his own cheeks heat up a bit, and he looked away.

“Then let's hurry up and go. I'm hungry but I refuse to do anything while covered in demon blood.” With that, Ryo turned and continued to head towards the bathroom, Akira on his heels.

The two entered the bathroom and began to undress in silence.

Ryo suddenly felt self conscious, as he remembered the… condition he'd developed during the time apart from Akira. He was hesitant as he removed his shirt. Akira had already stripped, and was watching him curiously. He looked at the white binder Ryo had yet to remove, and then gave Ryo a questioning look.

“It's a condition.” Ryo said before Akira could ask.

“Condition?”

“It's called gynecomastia. It's a hormone imbalance, and it results in enlarged breasts for males.” Ryo had averted his gaze, feeling his cheeks frow hot. He'd never given how he may look to others much thought until then. He'd only wore the binder to make things easier on him.

“Oh.”

Akira, thankfully, seemed to understand that the last thing Ryo wanted was to answer any more questions about it. Ryo sighed softly, and took off the binder, placing it on the countertop. He could feel Akira's eyes on him, but he didn't want to meet.the other's gaze.

“Wow. Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful? I mean… I hope that's not weird to say right now,” Ryo's head snapped up to look at Akira, eyes wide. Akira's face was red again, and Ryo could feel his own getting hotter.

He laughed, and Akira looked up, confused.

“I apologize, but it's just funny how we're both so flustered even when we're standing nude in a bathroom. It's absurd.” Ryo put a hand over his mouth and he headed over to turn the shower water on, making sure it was hot. He glanced over his shoulder to find Akira smiling at him. He smiled back.

Ryo honestly expected showering with Akira to be awkward. It had been years since they had last seen each other naked, and they'd been but kids then. Now that they were teenagers nearing adulthood, it could only be anticipated a shower together would be nothing but tense sexual frustration.

It was the exact opposite. They spoke and joked casually, as if what they were doing was perfectly normal for them. The washed each other's hair, and helped to make sure the blood was completely gone from their bodies. It was comfortable, and Ryo felt light as they stepped out and into fluffy, white towels. 

They walked back to Ryo's bedroom together, where the sheets had already been stripped and replaced by Jenny. Ryo offered Akira one of his (many) robes to wear while their clothes were washed.

By the time they made it to the kitchen where Ryo offered to cook something quick, it was early in the morning. Ryo was thankful it was the weekend, as Akira wouldn't have to leave to go to school. They could both take rest of the day to relax and process the previous day's events.

It was when they were laying in bed at dawn, getting ready to sleep that Ryo realized he hadn't felt that feeling of deja vu once since he'd woken up. He fell asleep with a small smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i read a fic where ryo had gynecomastia and i really really love that headcanon for him and i wanted to incorporate it here! if i can find the fic ill link it! 
> 
> again i want to thank you guys so much for the comments and kudos! this is the longest fanfiction ive ever written and all the support has really helped motivate me to keep writing! thank you so much!


End file.
